Our 1st picture of Baby Stites

This is our 1st picture of Weston!  Hopefully many more to come!

Well, as many of you know, Weston Andrew Stites will be here in a few short months!!!  We are excited beyond words, but are trying to stay a little guarded...we will be able to breath easier once our sweet mama has signed on that dotted line and we are Tennessee bound. 

Some of you already know the issues we faced with our adoption agency that we began this journey with.  I know many of you don't and have been asking about how everything came about so here it is.

We started out with Bethany Christian Services in Nashville. We felt like God had called us to Bethany and things seemed to fall right in to place for us as we began.  Well, almost 2 years and 6...yes, you're reading that right, 6 case workers later, we knew in our hearts that this was NOT the place we would be getting our baby from.  We asked for prayers from friends and family about what to do and began waiting to hear from God.  Well, He got out His mega phone! 

Monday May 27, a childhood friend of mine, Amber called me out of the blue and told me that she needed me to call her ASAP.  As much as I hate to admit this, Amber and I haven't really kept in touch like I wish we would have.  When she called, well actually texted first, I had this feeling I needed to call her back.  Her parents had moved to Fayetteville, AR several years ago for her dads job.  After a while, they moved back to Jackson.  He ran into a young lady he had worked with while living in Arkansas and helped her get settled in Jackson.  This young lady's parents were coming to help her move in and so she wanted her parents to meet Amber's parents.  At dinner, Regina asked Marti what she did for a living.  Wouldn't you know she said, "I'm an adoption attorney."  You've got to be kidding me, right?  Regina asked all types of questions and finally began telling Marti about Andy and me and what she knew about our situation.  Marti said, "have them call me...I usually have a placement every few months" or something like that.  Honestly, I was too excited/overwhelmed/ anxious/etc. to really remember the finer details when Amber AND her mom were telling me everything on the phone.  Andy and I were at the houseboat with my in-laws when I called her and got the news.  I remember walking back into the boat and Mary, my mother-in-law, said, "well...?!"  I told them all about it and of course they were as excited as I was.  Andy was more like, "let's call her and just see what it's all about before getting too excited."  I'm glad God partnered me with someone like him, I am definitely the gun-ho, pedal-to-the-medal one, and he has a knack for being a little guarded when he needs to be and a little more sensible about most things.  He's a good voice of reason. 

I was dying to call Marti on Monday, but Amber had said they would be traveling back to Arkansas that day so I waited until Tuesday.  She was so friendly on the phone and just as laid back and easy going and easy to talk to...I KNEW this was who God meant for us to meet.  And to think all of this began when Ricky took a job in Arkansas, I'm sure he never thought about working with someone who had an adoption attorney for a mom, much less an attorney that would help US adopt.  Crazy how God works isn't it?!  So, Marti told me I needed to go to her website and fill out an application (which I had already done) and mail it to her.  I had actually already done that too along with a copy of our Home Study and profile book.  Needless to say I was a little anxious to get the ball rolling.  She told us that she would read over everything and get back to us.  Tuesday June 18, she called me to let me know that she had read over everything and just really felt like we were brought to her for a reason. She said that God works in mysterious ways and that she had an expectant mother due in December and that OUR PROFILE kept coming back to her with everything she read about the birth mom.  "Are you guys ready?" she asked.  I kind of hesitated and thought...then said, "ready for what?"  I never in my wildest dreams thought she was calling to tell us she had us matched.  Never.  It had only been 3 weeks since I initially called her just to ask about adopting through her.  Again, God never ceases to amaze me! 

Our birth parents are from the Marshall Islands, but are currently living in Arkansas.  Marti sent me a picture of Weston's biological sister and let me just say, SHE.IS.PRECIOUS.  It was funny when Marti called us to tell us the news, she said, "well Stefanie, your child will look a lot like Andy.  Not so much like you."  Let's face it, Andy has a tan everyone wishes they had and I am white as a ghost compared to him.  Oh well...who cares right?  At the end of the day we will be holding OUR child and nothing else matters.  We initially thought Weston would be here December 10, but now it's looking a little more like January 10.  We just got the crib put together and I decided to make his crib bumpers.  We've registered and I've shopped a little more than I needed to, but who doesn't when their having a baby right?!  Andy's parents are Bubbe(bub-e) and Papa Jack, and my mom is going to be called Bebe and who knows yet for my dad.  I've come up with a few names but they were vetoed so it's back to the drawing board for ole Sambo. 

As always, please continue praying for Andy and I as we get closer and closer to Weston's arrival.  Pray for our birth parents as they prepare to hand us the precious little boy that they've been getting to know the last 9 months.  Pray for us as we are all a ball of nerves getting ready for Weston to make his entrance into the world. 

A New Year

"If faith can move the mountains, Let the mountains move.  We come with expectations, Waiting here for You. Waiting here for You.
You're the Lord of all creation, and still you know our hearts. The Author of Salvation, You've loved us from the start.
You are everything You promised, Your faithfulness is true.  We are desperate for Your presence, all we need is You.
WAITING HERE FOR YOU, WITH OUR HANDS LIFTED HIGH IN PRAISE.  AND IT'S YOU WE ADORE, SINGING ALLELUIA!"

As we sang this at church this morning, I got this extremely overwhelming feeling.  It just hit me.  I felt my hand go up as though reaching out to grab a hold of something.  Have you ever sang a song and felt like you were about to cry?  Not tears of sadness, but tears of complete joy?!  Well, that was me this morning.  For the past year we've been waiting for THE phone call.  I've been so irritated and frustrated with God for not letting Andy and I have what we want.  I mean, it's just a child.  We could ask for wealth, more toys, nicer things...but no.  All we want is a baby.  I've replayed that song in my head thousands of times today and like a ton of bricks, it just hit me. 

This whole last year, I've been so focused on what we don't have and how mad I was at God that I couldn't even see straight.  On one hand, I've been saying, "OK, God, I know you're in control and I'm giving all my worrying over to you.  You have complete control and I trust you," and on the other hand I'm like, "OK, clearly God could care less about me and Andy...He's not even listening to us."  My prayer life is so, not even close, to where it used to be. (insert huge sign of disappointment from me)  It's very sickening.

As we were singing this song this morning, something clicked inside me.  I've not truly given everything over to the only one who has complete control.  Everything happens for a reason, we...I, just don't like to see it that way.  My God is taking care of me, even when I don't see it.  Another song that grabbed my heart with an iron fist this morning says this,:

"Troubles surround me, chaos abounding, my soul will rest in You. 
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm, my help is on the way.

Oh, My God, He will not delay.  My refuge and strength ALWAYS.  I will not fear, HIS PROMISE IS TRUE, my God will come through, ALWAYS!"

Wow, God has been here this whole time.  He has strengthened Andy and I even when I thought He had abandoned us.  His promises are true, and when has He ever NOT come through for us/me?  Why would now be any different?!  Get behind me Satan!  I've let you hold my heart for far too long.  Starting today, I'm trusting that my God IS going to come though...He always does.

We're still here

For those of you who are wondering, we are still here!  It's been a little quiet, *sad sigh*.  We did hear that our adoption case worker had changed so that was a little frustrating, but it won't really effect us as we have already completed everything.  When she called to let us know of the changes, she did confirm that families ARE looking at our book.  Which, you think that would make you happy, but it really kind of makes you sad because now we KNOW that we are being looked at and considered, but then not chosen.  So it's a little bitter sweet you could say.  But, we know that God has the perfect child planned for us and he/she just haven't found us yet! 

I will say this, GOD IS GOOD and He does move and work in ways I don't think we will ever understand.  Last summer He led a woman into my office when we were feeling like God was being a little too quiet.  She works at the pregnancy center here in town and told me that whenever a mother chooses adoption they only go through Bethany.  Well, how about that, Bethany is who we are going through!  Ok, now back to my previous comment about God being a little too quiet, it has felt that way a little here lately.  Everyone announcing they're pregnant, going to baby showers, etc. intensifies that a little I guess.  Well, same woman last summer walks into my office yesterday.  At the exact time I need to talk to her I guess.  I told her how everything was going, where we were in the process, and I could tell she was trying to say something without saying something.  She gave me the name of an adoption attorney here in town (pretty sure I had asked about this and no one knew of one here locally) and told me to call him asap and ask about what is involved when a mother comes to his office for adoption.  So, needless to say, I called him as soon as I could.  It never hurts to have all your options open and let everyone know your intentions.  I have talked to OB's, Pediatricians, school counselors, and others about our plans, and everyone has been so sweet about it and has assured us they will call us if something comes up that we would be interested in.  So, you never know how God is going to show up.

Keep praying for us for patience (which I always hate praying for).  Pray that we continue to trust in the Lord and know that He does have great plans for us. 

Checking In

So far everything is the same, no new news to share.  We had a yard-sale type fundraiser a month or so ago and did really well.  We raised about $900 to put towards our fund!  We were super excited about that.  Several people came up and donated when they heard what we were doing it for, some people told us about their adoption journey, and one lady prayed over us right there on the spot.  I have to admit, seeing how other people have gone through the same situation as we are, and hearing what they have to say is kind of funny.  Everything they say we are feeling or have felt.  Every excitement, every frustration, everything.  And what's also funny is that everyone says the same thing, "God knows HIS timing and when it's right He'll let you know."  Come on God!  Is it time yet?! We are ready!

Please keep praying for us as we continue waiting for the perfect child God has planned for US!

A New Year

As 2012 begins, Andy and I look back on the past year in complete shock.  It flew by and it seems like we went a million miles a minute.  Neither one of us have ever really been big on actually keeping our New Year's resolutions until this past year.  We made several of them, you know the usual, read the Bible more, be better everything, lose weight, get in shape, begin the adoption process, etc.  Everything started great, we read the Bible together, began walking around the neighborhood together every night, and found a great agency to begin our adoption. As January 2011 came to an end, we began to fizzle out on our resolutions.  We fizzled out on everything (sad to admit) except for one.  WE FINISHED OUR ADOPTION PROCESS!!!

We are 110% official!  Kelli, our case worker, who by the way is a blessing, called me with the news last week. Our home study has been signed, sealed, and delivered to the State of Tennessee.  Our profile is now being shown to prospective parents and we are officially on the waiting list.  Reading this post as I type it out is incredible. I find myself almost crying tears of complete joy at the mere thought of being a mommy and Andy being a daddy any day now.  I actually just took a HUGE sigh of relief that the hardest part is behind us. Kelli says that this time, referred to as "the waiting game," will be the hardest part of the process.  Up to this point, Andy and I have set the pace.  We determined when the paperwork was turned in, we determined when to get things done, etc. Not really though.  God has been in total control the whole time and it's pretty crazy how I have recently come to realize that. HE placed some amazing friends in front of us when the time was right who led us to Bethany. HE pushed us to get our paperwork done. HE made 2011 fly by.  HE makes things happen in HIS time, not ours.  I have just figured that out. I know that waiting for a phone call can seem like an eternity, but God has a wonderful plan for me and Andy and He's taken care of us up to this point, so why should we worry about the next phase?

Looking forward to 2012, I hope that this will be the year of great change in the Stites household. I pray that this family of 2 becomes a family of 3.  I pray that the resolutions we have set for ourselves are actually kept. I pray that God prepares us physically, mentally, financially, and every other kind of -ly possible!  A lot of people ask me what are we going to do if we get a call tomorrow.  I'm not going to lie, that thought is absolutely terrifying! Going from Andy and I coming and going as we please and not worrying about anything has been kind of nice.  Knowing that we are responsible for the life of another human being is a tremendous responsibility.  He will not give us more than we can handle. 

Thank you so much for continuing to pray for us. Knowing that so many people are in this with us is very comforting.  One of my resolutions is keeping this blog updated so you will know where we are and what's going on, I PROMISE I will keep this resolution! We are very grateful for family and friends that love us and support us.  We love you all!

Hurry up and wait

Andy and I are official!  As of Friday, everything has been tured in and has been approved.  Families can now look at our profile.  We are so excited because this means we are that much closer to bringing home our precious baby!  What a relief.  Your encouraging words, phone calls, texts, emails, and prayers have meant so much to us and please keep them all coming.  I think we will need them now more than ever.  We have no idea how long we will have to wait.  According to Bethany, the average wait time runs from 4 months to 4 years.  The more specific you are, the longer you could wait.  For those of you who don't know already, we are neither gender nor race spcific.  With that decision made, more families will see our profile.  We have prayed and prayed for God to prepare our hearts and minds for what is about to be the next chapter in our lives.  We are extremely excited and cannot wait to see what our future holds. 

Please continue to pray for me and Andy while we wait.  Pray we will continue to fill our days as we always have and not become consumed with wondering when someone will call.  Pray that we continue to enjoy our time alone together as we have no idea when we will become a family of 3!

Praise God we have made it this far!  We are one step closer!

We're almost there

We can finally see an end in sight!  We just had our home study and safety evaluation last week.  This house has never been cleaner.  Kelli came over and we went through the house, no where near as in depth as I thought it was going to be.  She walked into every room, made sure we had outlet covers in all open outlets, locks for our medicine/chemical cabinets, checked the fire extinguisher, and looked at our evacuation plan.  No white glove test, didn't even seem to be interested in whether or not the house was clean...but I can assure you it was spotless.  We sat on the couch and just talked.  Given all the information she has read about us already, we both just assumed she already knew any and everything she would ever need to know about us.  I have to admit, it was nothing like I thought it was going to be.  It was like friends sitting around talking.  We both really like Kelli.  She is about our age and super sweet. 

Wednesday, Andy and I went to Nashville for our individual counseling.  He volunteered me to go first so he headed downstairs to hang out with my uncle (he works in the office right next to the Bethany office).  Again, pretty much the same questions.  Describe Mom, Dad, Matthew, their parenting style, our relationships both when I was younger and now, discipline style, favorite memories, how Andy and I met, our relationship, how I think a child will affect us and our relationship with one another, just to give you an idea.  Before we knew it, we had been talking for nearly 2.5 hours.  The sessions usually only last about 1-1.5 hours.  So maybe I'm a talker!  I come by it honest what can I say?  Andy and I switched so I got to spend a little time with my uncle before he had to leave.

Kelli said we are "nearly there"...just hearing those words make us so excited!  We actually thought we would be done after that meeting.  She will write our home study which she will submit to the State, but we get to look at it and approve it first.  So, of course we have to go back for that, but we will also review our service plan 1 more time, turn in our profile books, and THAT'S IT!  Done! Finished!  We will officially be "Waiting!"

I do have to say, I feel like we have the hardest job in front of us though.  We have to write our birthmother letters.  This letter can be the one thing that draws her to us.  I know that God already knows who our birthmother is and He already has our meeting planned out, but every time I sit down to begin my letter, it's like I don't know what to say.  I mean, what do you say to a complete stranger who is about to give you the MOST incredible, selfless gift anyone could give?  Nothing I write seems to sound good enough so I delete it and stare at a blank white Microsoft Word screen.  I keep hoping for an ah-ha moment and that the words just begin flowing through me but so far nothing.  Good news is, we have about 2 weeks to write our letters(that's when Kelli should be done writing our home study) so hopefully we can get it together by then.

Please pray for Andy and I as we try and get these last few things done.  Also be praying that our baby is already on his or her way!

Going to Daycare

Wow!  Who knew choosing a daycare was so crazy.  There is a LOT to consider.  Today Andy and I went to 2 centers and really liked them both.  One is right next-door to my office and one is on the other side of town.  They each have their pros and cons, but I think we really like one over the other.  It felt really weird writing a check to LLA today.  Yes, I wrote my first daycare check.  We have to be on a waiting list since there are only 2 centers that take children as young as 6 weeks, that really limits your options.  It was fun getting in there and looking at everything and meeting the teachers.  Everyone is super nice and the kids all seemed to be happy and enjoyed being there.  I felt really good leaving.  I have to admit, writing a daycare check was strange!  Guess we should get used to it.  I think I am going through a nesting phase now.  Daycare, check.  I am now on to car seats, cribs, pack 'n plays, strollers...the necessities.  Bless his heart Andy just looked at me and started laughing.  I think we have a little time to get all that stuff together.  I must admit, there is so much stuff and it's all so cute and tiny!  I just want one of everything I see.  I am ready to get a nursery together.  I want to start buying all these cute clothes I see.  I want to have everything ready so that when we get the call that we have been chosen that we don't have to do a thing. Not knowing if we will have a boy or girl is kind of keeping me from doing all this. I don't like unisex stuff.  I want all girl or all boy.  This is probably a good thing to be honest, it keeps me from going crazy too soon.  I am the planner and organizer and the one making sure we have a list.  Andy is the laid back voice of reason.  He knows I change my mind like I change clothes.  He keeps me in check.  We are both so excited!  This wait just might be the death of me.  I know God has the perfect child in mind solely for us and we cannot wait to meet him or her!  Hopefully we won't have to wait too awful long.

Sweet Success

Well, as many of you know already, Saturday was a HUGE success!  Andy and I had an amazing group of friends working together to make our 5k special for us...and it was.  Brooke, Kristen, Matthew, and so many others made Saturday the success it was.  We were blessed far beyond what we had hoped for and God is continuing to pour out His blessing on us.  I know I've already said this once, but there truly are not words good enough to say how thankful we are. 

Sunday morning we went to Church as usual, but this Sunday was different. After the run on Saturday, other than being extremely sore from being so out of shape, I felt great and very uplifted by the kind words we received from so many people.  Jay Walker, a longtime friend, said a special prayer.  It should be a prayer that we all say daily.  He was talking about how precious life is, and how so many children are out there without loving homes, and he went on to tell the church how Andy and I were adopting and that God had great plans in store for us and had the perfect child in mind for us.  He said the sweetest prayer and Andy and I both were fighting back tears.  This might sound a little strange, but during that prayer I had a feeling of peace and reassurance that God is in total control of everything we do, and that He has an incredible plan in store for us.  The anxiety of the wait was gone, the not-knowing was gone, just total peace about everything.  God is good and He hears our prayers and He takes care of us. 

So right now we are playing the waiting game.  We are "waiting" for a birth family to choose us.  We are neither gender specific not race specific.  Hopefully, we won't have to wait too long.  We are just trusting that the Lord brings us to the child He has created for us.  Please continue to pray for us and the child He has coming.  Pray that we are good parents and that we can raise our child in His ways. 

Again, thank you.  You have blessed us beyond measure! 

Excitement Building

Well, as of right now we are waiting to hear when our Home Study and Safety Evaluation will be.  This will be the last thing we have to do before we are officially "Waiting."  I have to admit, not knowing when they will call to say they are coming to Cookeville has been great for our house.  I don't think it has ever been cleaner!  Each night we are making sure everything is in place and clean so that when we get the call we aren't running around like crazy.  So other than becoming professional Merry Maids, we are doing pretty good. 

Most everyone on FB knows about the 5K coming up.  We are so excited!  So many people have messaged us about coming, or that they can't come but have made donations...we are just so humbled.  Some of you we have known our whole lives, some of you we have only recently met, and some of you are total strangers.  God has definitely blessed us beyond our wildest dreams.  I feel like I am a complete emotional train wreck each time I look at the event page, or read someones wall post about the 5k, or read the messages and letters we have been getting.  I'm laughing... I'm crying... Andy thinks I've lost my mind.  I am not sure how to express our gratitude.  Who knows when this child will come to us, but man will he or she be lucky!  To have so many people praying over them already is so amazing.

We hope to hear something from our adoption worker this week about when the home study will be so we can get that checked off the list. 

Hope to see everyone at JCS bright and early on Saturday morning!!!

It's been a while

I know it's been a while since I updated, we've had a lot going on it seems like.  We finally got all our paperwork submitted, all our doctors appointments done, and sent everything off.  Now,we are waiting to find out when our home study will be.  This is where everything is going to get a little tougher.  Up to this point, everything has been on our time table.  We controlled when we finished our paperwork, we controlled when to schedule appointments, we called the shots.  Now, Bethany will tell us when they will come and do our home study and home safety inspection.  But, this is also where some fun begins. 

As many of you are probably already aware, Running for Baby Stites, a 5K fundraiser, is scheduled for August 26th.  To say that Andy and I are excited would be a huge understatement.  We are so grateful and humbled by what our friends are doing for us that neither one of us can find any words that seem to be good enough. I don't want to name any names specifically because I am afraid that I would leave someone out. They know who they are and they will forever hold a very special place in my heart.  I get on FB every day and look at the comments that are posted, I have messages nearly every day, some from dear friends and some from total strangers, encouraging us and reaffirming our decision to adopt.  We are so thankful to have family and friends who support us. 

Right now, we need prayers.  Prayers for a successful fundraiser.  Prayers for a quick process.  Prayers for patience.  Someone told me once  that God doesn't give us patience, He gives us opportunities to exercise patience.  I like things done now and done my way so this will definitely be an opportunity for me.  Please be praying for our birthmother also.  We don't know who she is or where she is.  Pray that she gets the medical attention and the emotional care she needs during this time.  Pray for us as this will be a scary, emotional, overwhelming, exciting, and somewhat trying time for us all. 

Again, HUGE "THANK YOU" to those who have worked, and are still working, so hard to get this 5K going!  Again, we are grateful and excited about it.  We cannot wait!

Faith of a Mustardseed

Finally!  We are getting closer and closer to finishing up all of our paperwork and trying to get our doctors appointments and psychological evaluations finished.  I can just imagine some of the thoughts that just popped in your head just thinking about Andy and I and a psychological evaluation.  We are getting excited about our progress though.  I think one reason we were slowing down on everything was that we wanted to make sure we had everything we needed when it came time to turn in our big book.  And by everything I don't just mean the paperwork, I mean $5000.00 too!  Yeah, close your mouth because if you're like me when I first heard that, your mouth just dropped.  We have brainstormed on fundraising ideas and things we can do to raise money.  We are going to be having a yard sale sometime soon, Matthew(my sweet brother) said he would do a race and get his friends to help get sponsored if I wanted to do something like that, my Zumba teacher was talking to me about a Zumba-thon, and there are several more ideas that keep coming.  I was getting so excited about all the stuff we could do while at the same time stressing out a little about all the funds we have to raise and I was at my mother-in-laws one day and she spoke something to me that really slapped me in the face in a way.

"Stefanie, when has God ever not provided what you need at the exact moment you needed it?"  Think about it, it's so true. When has God ever just said, ok, hope all goes well for ya, check in when you can?  She wasn't saying that we shouldn't do fundraising, she was simply pointing out that I wasn't giving God enough credit.  Ouch.  Not something you want to admit about yourself.  My mother-in-law is a very wise woman.  I think so many times we try and make things happen on our own, and we don't ask for God's help. Or, we ask for His help and then immediately go out and try to make things work without giving Him a chance to show up when He's not working as fast as we think He should be.  That's me, I'm guilty of that.  I hope that this journey Andy and I are on will not only strengthen our relationship with one another, but also our relationship with God.  Being able to solely rely upon Him to provide us with what we need.  Matthew 17:20 says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you."  Thinking of how small a mustard seed actually is makes me realize that what He is saying is that if we have the slightest bit of faith, we can do extraordinary things. Placing our entire adoption journey in God's hands will only bless the final outcome even more!  We are excited to make this next step in turning in our book and getting closer to the "waiting pool" stage!

Great Expectations

I know it's been a while since our last post. We have finished our training classes (thank the Lord) and I finished my self-study yesterday (thank the Lord) and so now we are waiting for Andy to finish his up.  Yes, I am blaming him.  Not really, everyone works at their own pace and I've had more time lately to work on mine! So, what's new?

Our Expectations Meeting. You have to complete an Expectations Meeting before you can go on to the Home Study.  Andy and I had to go to Nashville our last training session so we just made a day of it and killed 2 meetings in one day.  We got to the Bethany office around 2 and we were done by 2:45.  I wasn't sure what to think after the meeting was over.  Let me back up.
   I wasn't 100% sure what to "expect" out of our Expectation Meeting.  I don't know anyone who has ever had to go through one of these meetings so I was completely blank.  We walked in, sat down, Amy came in, and the questions started coming.  For those of you who know me well know that I like to talk....a lot.  I'm a talker, I can't help it, I get it honestly from my mom!  So the questions are coming at us, how did you meet, how/when did you know he/she was the one, what do you families think about your relationship, when did you know you wanted a family and what plans have you made?  You know, the simple questions everyone likes to talk about.  Then came the tough ones, how do you feel about not being able to have a baby, have we grieved over not being able to have a child naturally, how does it feel having to change our plans, do we think we will be able to cope with having a child that is not biologically related to either one of us, and some other questions along those lines that I can't really remember.  As the tough questions came I started thinking ok, does she think I cannot have a baby, does she have me confused with someone else, does she think I don't want to have a baby with Andy, and the questions kept coming and coming in my head.  I felt like she was trying to trip us up, or get us to say something negative, or I don't know.  I have to say, I nearly cried when I heard one of Andy's answers.  The question about how we would handle a child not biologically ours, Andy said something like "I don't really care.  Once that baby is in my arms, they're mine and Stefanie's.  We don't need genetics to define who our child is."  Ok, I know I sounds a little cheesy, but just hearing him say those words made me really look at him in awe and in that moment I thanked God for finding me worthy enough to be his wife.  For those of you who don't know him, my husband is one of a kind.  He is a true blessing in my life.  He is going to make one incredible dad some day.  We answered the questions the best we could but I just sat there thinking, that's it, we're done, we're not going to pass this. She was writing things down on her notebook and I was just imagining what all she could be writing about us.  And then like that, the meeting was done.  When we got to the car I just broke down and cried.  I don't know why but sometimes I really let Satan take hold of me and let him totally control my thoughts. I was telling Andy we weren't good enough, starting our family shouldn't be this hard, we must have said something that made her think we weren't ready, why was God making us go through all this crap just to have a baby, just completely letting Satan fill my head with all these horrible thoughts and emotions.  Andy just stopped and started praying for me. For me. What about him?  Did I for one second stop and ask him what he was feeling? Of course not. He is the most caring man I've ever met next to my dad. He just hugged me and told me everything I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it.  By the time we reached the church where our training classes were, I felt so much better.

Class went great, it was a little bittersweet though.  We have become friends with some of the couples in the group and knowing that we won't be seeing them anymore kind of makes us sad.  They all live in and around Nashville so email works...if we used it! 

Paper Pregnant

Yes, you are reading that correctly.  Sounds kind of funny doesn't it?  When we first heard that, we both looked at each other and laughed.  I think everyone in the class was laughing actually.  And speaking of class, we went to Orientation a few weeks ago and then to our fist of eight training classes.  With these classes comes a lot of homework plus trying to get all the required paperwork done for the applications.  Wow, it's a little overwhelming.  The first couple of days I was on it.  I would come home from work, take Winston out and put his food down, and then start working on adoption papers immediately.  Now I'm hitting the harder questions and I'm not sure how to answer them. 

First, how do you describe your "ideal child?"  We were asked to close our eyes and imagine our child, what he/she looked like, older or younger, white or other, one or multiple, foreign or domestic, you get the point.  I felt off because all I could see was a child.  I couldn't see what he or she looked like, I just saw that they were ours and we were a family.  On the drive back home, I asked Andy what he had pictured and he said he saw the same thing I did.  Neither one of us could clearly define what our child would look like.  How can you describe someone you have never met.  I think when we meet our child we will know him or her. 

Second, how do you describe yourself without sounding full of yourself?  You want to tell all the amazing things about you and your family but at the same time you don't want to turn it into a brag fest about yourself.  Several people who have gone through this same process have said that I cannot think of it as bragging.  Andy and I have to view this as our only way to tell a birth mother how incredible we are.  But how do answer questions about yourself, while trying to say what's great about yourself, without sounding like you are full of yourself?  Have I said the same thing throughout this entire paragraph?! 

This whole process is overwhelming, frustrating, and scary.  But it is also very exciting and uplifting to know that we are not alone in this journey and that we will have a baby in our arms at the end of it all.  However he or she comes into our lives, Andy and I will have our precious child!

Where to Start

For those of you who have not heard the news yet, Andy and I are beginning the adoption process.  Well, I think it is technically called "our adoption journey."  We have been trying to start our family for a while now and we feel God is pulling at our hearts to seek out adoption.  We have been praying for a clear sign as to where to begin, and we finally got an answer.  We are working with Bethany Christian Services in Nashville.  We had our first meeting last night and it was very overwhelming!  A lot of info in a very short period of time, but it was great.  As for now, we are going with a domestic adoption unless God leads us another direction. 

Beginning this journey together is one of the most scary and exciting things Andy and I have done to date.  We are extremely excited and cannot wait to see the plans God has in store for us!

I have never blogged before, in fact, I had not really heard of a "blog" until this past year.  Since we got married and moved to Cookeville, keeping in touch is a little harder so hopefully everyone can keep up with us and see what's new with the Stites!