A New Year

"If faith can move the mountains, Let the mountains move.  We come with expectations, Waiting here for You. Waiting here for You.
You're the Lord of all creation, and still you know our hearts. The Author of Salvation, You've loved us from the start.
You are everything You promised, Your faithfulness is true.  We are desperate for Your presence, all we need is You.
WAITING HERE FOR YOU, WITH OUR HANDS LIFTED HIGH IN PRAISE.  AND IT'S YOU WE ADORE, SINGING ALLELUIA!"

As we sang this at church this morning, I got this extremely overwhelming feeling.  It just hit me.  I felt my hand go up as though reaching out to grab a hold of something.  Have you ever sang a song and felt like you were about to cry?  Not tears of sadness, but tears of complete joy?!  Well, that was me this morning.  For the past year we've been waiting for THE phone call.  I've been so irritated and frustrated with God for not letting Andy and I have what we want.  I mean, it's just a child.  We could ask for wealth, more toys, nicer things...but no.  All we want is a baby.  I've replayed that song in my head thousands of times today and like a ton of bricks, it just hit me. 

This whole last year, I've been so focused on what we don't have and how mad I was at God that I couldn't even see straight.  On one hand, I've been saying, "OK, God, I know you're in control and I'm giving all my worrying over to you.  You have complete control and I trust you," and on the other hand I'm like, "OK, clearly God could care less about me and Andy...He's not even listening to us."  My prayer life is so, not even close, to where it used to be. (insert huge sign of disappointment from me)  It's very sickening.

As we were singing this song this morning, something clicked inside me.  I've not truly given everything over to the only one who has complete control.  Everything happens for a reason, we...I, just don't like to see it that way.  My God is taking care of me, even when I don't see it.  Another song that grabbed my heart with an iron fist this morning says this,:

"Troubles surround me, chaos abounding, my soul will rest in You. 
I will not fear the war, I will not fear the storm, my help is on the way.

Oh, My God, He will not delay.  My refuge and strength ALWAYS.  I will not fear, HIS PROMISE IS TRUE, my God will come through, ALWAYS!"

Wow, God has been here this whole time.  He has strengthened Andy and I even when I thought He had abandoned us.  His promises are true, and when has He ever NOT come through for us/me?  Why would now be any different?!  Get behind me Satan!  I've let you hold my heart for far too long.  Starting today, I'm trusting that my God IS going to come though...He always does.