Finally! We are getting closer and closer to finishing up all of our paperwork and trying to get our doctors appointments and psychological evaluations finished. I can just imagine some of the thoughts that just popped in your head just thinking about Andy and I and a psychological evaluation. We are getting excited about our progress though. I think one reason we were slowing down on everything was that we wanted to make sure we had everything we needed when it came time to turn in our big book. And by everything I don't just mean the paperwork, I mean $5000.00 too! Yeah, close your mouth because if you're like me when I first heard that, your mouth just dropped. We have brainstormed on fundraising ideas and things we can do to raise money. We are going to be having a yard sale sometime soon, Matthew(my sweet brother) said he would do a race and get his friends to help get sponsored if I wanted to do something like that, my Zumba teacher was talking to me about a Zumba-thon, and there are several more ideas that keep coming. I was getting so excited about all the stuff we could do while at the same time stressing out a little about all the funds we have to raise and I was at my mother-in-laws one day and she spoke something to me that really slapped me in the face in a way.
"Stefanie, when has God ever not provided what you need at the exact moment you needed it?" Think about it, it's so true. When has God ever just said, ok, hope all goes well for ya, check in when you can? She wasn't saying that we shouldn't do fundraising, she was simply pointing out that I wasn't giving God enough credit. Ouch. Not something you want to admit about yourself. My mother-in-law is a very wise woman. I think so many times we try and make things happen on our own, and we don't ask for God's help. Or, we ask for His help and then immediately go out and try to make things work without giving Him a chance to show up when He's not working as fast as we think He should be. That's me, I'm guilty of that. I hope that this journey Andy and I are on will not only strengthen our relationship with one another, but also our relationship with God. Being able to solely rely upon Him to provide us with what we need. Matthew 17:20 says, "I tell you the truth, if you have faith as small as a mustard seed, you can say to this mountain, "move from here to there" and it will move. Nothing will be impossible for you." Thinking of how small a mustard seed actually is makes me realize that what He is saying is that if we have the slightest bit of faith, we can do extraordinary things. Placing our entire adoption journey in God's hands will only bless the final outcome even more! We are excited to make this next step in turning in our book and getting closer to the "waiting pool" stage!
Sunday, May 1, 2011
Great Expectations
I know it's been a while since our last post. We have finished our training classes (thank the Lord) and I finished my self-study yesterday (thank the Lord) and so now we are waiting for Andy to finish his up. Yes, I am blaming him. Not really, everyone works at their own pace and I've had more time lately to work on mine! So, what's new?
Our Expectations Meeting. You have to complete an Expectations Meeting before you can go on to the Home Study. Andy and I had to go to Nashville our last training session so we just made a day of it and killed 2 meetings in one day. We got to the Bethany office around 2 and we were done by 2:45. I wasn't sure what to think after the meeting was over. Let me back up.
I wasn't 100% sure what to "expect" out of our Expectation Meeting. I don't know anyone who has ever had to go through one of these meetings so I was completely blank. We walked in, sat down, Amy came in, and the questions started coming. For those of you who know me well know that I like to talk....a lot. I'm a talker, I can't help it, I get it honestly from my mom! So the questions are coming at us, how did you meet, how/when did you know he/she was the one, what do you families think about your relationship, when did you know you wanted a family and what plans have you made? You know, the simple questions everyone likes to talk about. Then came the tough ones, how do you feel about not being able to have a baby, have we grieved over not being able to have a child naturally, how does it feel having to change our plans, do we think we will be able to cope with having a child that is not biologically related to either one of us, and some other questions along those lines that I can't really remember. As the tough questions came I started thinking ok, does she think I cannot have a baby, does she have me confused with someone else, does she think I don't want to have a baby with Andy, and the questions kept coming and coming in my head. I felt like she was trying to trip us up, or get us to say something negative, or I don't know. I have to say, I nearly cried when I heard one of Andy's answers. The question about how we would handle a child not biologically ours, Andy said something like "I don't really care. Once that baby is in my arms, they're mine and Stefanie's. We don't need genetics to define who our child is." Ok, I know I sounds a little cheesy, but just hearing him say those words made me really look at him in awe and in that moment I thanked God for finding me worthy enough to be his wife. For those of you who don't know him, my husband is one of a kind. He is a true blessing in my life. He is going to make one incredible dad some day. We answered the questions the best we could but I just sat there thinking, that's it, we're done, we're not going to pass this. She was writing things down on her notebook and I was just imagining what all she could be writing about us. And then like that, the meeting was done. When we got to the car I just broke down and cried. I don't know why but sometimes I really let Satan take hold of me and let him totally control my thoughts. I was telling Andy we weren't good enough, starting our family shouldn't be this hard, we must have said something that made her think we weren't ready, why was God making us go through all this crap just to have a baby, just completely letting Satan fill my head with all these horrible thoughts and emotions. Andy just stopped and started praying for me. For me. What about him? Did I for one second stop and ask him what he was feeling? Of course not. He is the most caring man I've ever met next to my dad. He just hugged me and told me everything I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it. By the time we reached the church where our training classes were, I felt so much better.
Class went great, it was a little bittersweet though. We have become friends with some of the couples in the group and knowing that we won't be seeing them anymore kind of makes us sad. They all live in and around Nashville so email works...if we used it!
Our Expectations Meeting. You have to complete an Expectations Meeting before you can go on to the Home Study. Andy and I had to go to Nashville our last training session so we just made a day of it and killed 2 meetings in one day. We got to the Bethany office around 2 and we were done by 2:45. I wasn't sure what to think after the meeting was over. Let me back up.
I wasn't 100% sure what to "expect" out of our Expectation Meeting. I don't know anyone who has ever had to go through one of these meetings so I was completely blank. We walked in, sat down, Amy came in, and the questions started coming. For those of you who know me well know that I like to talk....a lot. I'm a talker, I can't help it, I get it honestly from my mom! So the questions are coming at us, how did you meet, how/when did you know he/she was the one, what do you families think about your relationship, when did you know you wanted a family and what plans have you made? You know, the simple questions everyone likes to talk about. Then came the tough ones, how do you feel about not being able to have a baby, have we grieved over not being able to have a child naturally, how does it feel having to change our plans, do we think we will be able to cope with having a child that is not biologically related to either one of us, and some other questions along those lines that I can't really remember. As the tough questions came I started thinking ok, does she think I cannot have a baby, does she have me confused with someone else, does she think I don't want to have a baby with Andy, and the questions kept coming and coming in my head. I felt like she was trying to trip us up, or get us to say something negative, or I don't know. I have to say, I nearly cried when I heard one of Andy's answers. The question about how we would handle a child not biologically ours, Andy said something like "I don't really care. Once that baby is in my arms, they're mine and Stefanie's. We don't need genetics to define who our child is." Ok, I know I sounds a little cheesy, but just hearing him say those words made me really look at him in awe and in that moment I thanked God for finding me worthy enough to be his wife. For those of you who don't know him, my husband is one of a kind. He is a true blessing in my life. He is going to make one incredible dad some day. We answered the questions the best we could but I just sat there thinking, that's it, we're done, we're not going to pass this. She was writing things down on her notebook and I was just imagining what all she could be writing about us. And then like that, the meeting was done. When we got to the car I just broke down and cried. I don't know why but sometimes I really let Satan take hold of me and let him totally control my thoughts. I was telling Andy we weren't good enough, starting our family shouldn't be this hard, we must have said something that made her think we weren't ready, why was God making us go through all this crap just to have a baby, just completely letting Satan fill my head with all these horrible thoughts and emotions. Andy just stopped and started praying for me. For me. What about him? Did I for one second stop and ask him what he was feeling? Of course not. He is the most caring man I've ever met next to my dad. He just hugged me and told me everything I needed to hear at the exact moment I needed to hear it. By the time we reached the church where our training classes were, I felt so much better.
Class went great, it was a little bittersweet though. We have become friends with some of the couples in the group and knowing that we won't be seeing them anymore kind of makes us sad. They all live in and around Nashville so email works...if we used it!
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